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tin tức tổng hợp, tin nhanh | school of medicine |

My husband, who is long divorced, pays his ex-wife much more than required child support. And he’s financed their children’s college accounts by twice the agreed amount. He does this because his ex-wife claims she is broke, even though she remarried a rich man and lives a lavish life. Worse, he’s started hiding his payments from me. It’s admirable that he’s so generous, but after six years of marriage, with my own child entering college, I feel taken advantage of. Do I have the right to speak up?

A New Payment Plan

By PHILIP GALANES

Published: March 29, 2012

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G. P., Long Island

Something tells me you’ve already spoken up once or twice (an hour). That may be why Hubby is paying in secret, annoying you further, and shrinking the pot of do-re-mi available to you and yours. Whoever said blending families was going to be easy?

Your feelings are natural. But asking your husband to do less for his children is not the solution here. (His ex-wife may not work, or her Richie Rich husband may have no interest in providing for her offspring.)

Try again. Say: "Honey, you need to do what you feel is right. But you can’t keep me in the dark about your payments. We’re in this together. So, let’s agree that you’ll be more forthcoming, and I’ll only vent when my head is about to explode. Deal?"

Or take a page from "Hunger Games": Stage a war to the death between Wifey No. 1 and you. The television rights alone will pay for a dozen college degrees — even the meal plans.

Up in Smoke

I am a smoker. (I know, it’s terrible.) But every time I try to give it up, I fall right back again. The problem is my boyfriend, who picks on me relentlessly and gets pretty nasty about my smoking. He makes me feel even worse about myself. (Otherwise, he’s a terrific boyfriend.) How do I get him to stop? Jeannie, Brooklyn

Just this once, I will let the ciggies slide. Your predicament sounds as rough as it was up on Brokeback Mountain (though probably not as sexy): "I wish I knew how to quit you," Marlboro Lights.

Find a peaceful moment (when no one is sniping or sucking on cancer sticks) and say: "I’m trying my best to quit. I know you’re only picking on me because you care, but could you go a little easier? You’re hurting my feelings."

Then show him your new homepage: nysmokefree.com , New York State’s excellent program for helping smokers quit — and keeping them smoke-free (with a hot line and everything). Good luck, Jeannie!

My Serfdom for a Ticket

I am a full-time intern at an arts organization. For months, I’ve been working with my boss on the annual fund-raising gala. Recently, I learned that everyone involved was given two tickets to the performance and the dinner afterward — except me. I will be working during the show, and only received one ticket to the dinner. Should I feel insulted that I’m being treated differently and can’t bring my partner to an event I spent hundreds of hours working on?

E. G. M., New York

Try not to make this personal. Your boss is focused on raising buckets of cash from no more than a few big donors and hundreds of plates of rubber chicken. You are the last thing on her mind. And because you’ll work during the show (and I hate to break it to you, probably during the dinner, too), your partner may get lonely. You’ll be up and down like a (low man on the totem pole) jack-in-the-box. Don’t stew. Find your boss in a good mood and say: "Depending on ticket sales, can we spare a seat for my partner? I’d love to show him what we created." Then live with the answer. You are not an employee yet, though you may want to be. Stay on your boss’s good side.

Time to Build Cooperation

I am building a new house. Every time I walk in, the workers are blaring music — in Spanish, no less. I can’t hear myself think, much less have a conversation. Is it rude to ask the workers to turn off the music when they see me coming?Anonymous

You may feel like an interloper at your site, but I promise, you are paying for every last nail. (Also, the music would be just as deafening in English. Happily, volume knobs work in all languages.) Ask your contractor if he could kill the tunes when you come for meetings. There will be no insurrection — though the joint will be a little less caliente.

For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com or SocialQ on Facebook . You can also address your queries on Twitter to @SocialQPhilip . Please include a daytime phone number.

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